Its been a long time....

So I have been thinking!

You all should be scared!

Random Thoughts of What Is On My Mind

I realized while selling my Honda, that I alway refer to my car as a "She" and that I have given all my cars nickname.

Is that weird?

My first car was a maroon 1987 Toyota Tercel. It looked and ran like a piece of shit. So of course I called it "The Turd!"

My second car was also maroon (and I will never own a maroon car again), but it was a Dodge Shadow. I liked this car alot, but unfortunately, this is also the only car I have ever wrecked. Because it was maroon, it became known as the "The Turd Too!"

My third car was a white Chevy Lumina! It was huge and handled like a boat in the city. It was great for highway travel. Being a large white car, and me being a Hunter S Thompson fan, the car became known as "The Great White Whale!"

My last car was the black Honda Civic that I have been driving for the last 9 years. I don't know exactly how the name "The Skate" came about.I was small and I guess one day I thought it looked like a rollerskate.

So that brings me to the question of what to call the new car. Its silver/gray subaru legacy 4 door. It's nice. My first thought was "The Silver Bullet". But that seems cliche. I guess it will come to me in time!

Insomnia Sucks and Other Laments

I've been awake sense 6:30am on my day off. Why am I up so early? I don't think I have slept more than four hours a night in the last few days. Most research on insomnia suggests that it is stress related. I work 50 to 55 hours a week, and while my job has an amount of physical toll to it, I don't think of my job as being that stressful. I can stand the heat in the kitchen, my employees are decent hard workers, I don't really deal with the customers and when I do its with a sense of bemusement.

I guess I have been thinking alot about the past and the future. Roads not take, dreams unfulfilled and what-not. And while my current job is a good job, I don't know if I will be happy doing it for the next 20 to 30 years. There are alot of other things I think I would like to do, the real question is how to get them done?

There is also the issue of my being alone. I'm alone ALOT!!! I'm lonely when I go out. I'm lonely in crowds. I'm lonely whenever. I got great friends. I really do! People I love with my whole heart. People I would fight, kill and die for. But they are all so far away. Its hard to fight loneliness when I go weeks and months without your friends. And lil female companionship wouldn't hurt either.

Maybe I should just shut up and go enjoy the cool morning and the warm sunshine!

"Cause all this hangin' around is draggin' me down,
I gotta get behind the wheel and get the hell out of town
Too many people, too many cars, Too many nights in too many bars
My noggin's getting soggy and my spirits are saggin'
Time to take a ride in my blue water wagon" - Blue Mountain

And so....

So, it seems that my decision has been made for me. The Corner Bakery doesn't seem to be able to get their shit together. They said they would call with their offer on Thursday. I finally heard from them Friday, telling me I they would have it on Monday. The problem is Monday is my travel day for the Cattle Company. I start training with them on Tuesday. So useless there is a radical shift in the next two days, I will be training in Fort Payne, Alabama for 8 week and then moving to Hammond, Louisiana. Of course these means packing up and moving. Which is a huge pain in the ass! HUGE!!!

I am suppose to be cleaning and packing up my apartment right now. But I just don't have the focus. I has been so beautiful the last few days. Highs right a 70 lows right at 50, blue skies, light breezes. BEAUTIFUL!!!! Its the type of day that you turn the AC off and just cool the place by opening doors and turning on fans . Maybe having a cool drink while sitting in the yard. Spring is definitely on the way (which reminds me day light saving times starts tonight). Traveling and Road Tripping weather!

The weather is so nice I shot down to Hattiesburg to rock out with my friends down there. The The Juke Joint Duo rocked the Thirsty Hippo. The great thing about friends is they know what to say to make you have a good time, even when they are fighting against our better nature! I should have been home packing but I needed to get out of my head and have some fun! In my opinion, there are few things better in life than drinking some beers, listening to a good band and dancing with some beautiful women.

While I can't stand just cleaning and packing, I am excite to get on to the next phase of my life. I got some regrets about leaving Jackson. But I think I have done everything I would do in this place. I just got one last bridge to burn here and then I can get out free and clear.

In a Holding Pattern

GGGGGGgggggggrrrrrrr...........I got so much stuff I could be writing about but I just can't stay focus enough to do it.

On the job front, I quiet the sporting good store so i could focus on getting a "real" job. Or at least one that pays better. Its funny because my last day was Sunday and not two hours after quieting Dick's, I got a call from a guy opening a Corner Bakery in Jackson. I went on an interviewed with the owner Monday and I have a follow up interview tomorrow with one of the company directors. On the other side, I passed my drug test and we are just waiting on my background check with the Cattle Co. I could start training with them next week in Alabama. Now if Bakery gives me a competitive offer in salary and benefits and they also want me to start ASAP. So if both jobs start soon, and have equal(more or less) pay and benefits. Which do I take?

The basic difference seem to come down to where I want to live. The steak house job will require me to move to Hammond, LA. I must admit a bit of excitement about living in Louisiana. Hammond is about half way between New Orleans and Baton Rouge. It would be nice to be closer to some good rock shows, but not having to live in those town themselves. And I do have friends in NOLA. But if I took the bakery job, I won't have to move. I won't have to deal with the problems of finding a new place to live and setting up a life. Plus, my family and Amanda is here. It is only a three hour drive, but still.... Leaving would probably mean the end with me and Amanda. But is a relationship with a person, really a relationship if you only see them once ever few weeks? I know her life is complicated, but is that fair to me? Can I put my whole life on hold, for a woman I am very attached to, but rarely see?

I find it strange in this hard economic times that I left one job to weight the options of take two others. Hell with my luck I probably will not get either! So basically I'm in a holding pattern waiting on the big wheels of industry to move into the proper places.

So, they say its my birthday....

Well, as of this writing, yesterday, February 1st was my birthday.I hate my birthday. Its a strange thing to be 32, alone and unemployed. I can honestly say I never figured my life to be the way it is. I guess when you don't have a goal or a plan you take what you can get. Still, very strange. Some days I love my "care free happy go lucky existence" other days not so much. The last few day have fallen into the not so much category. I guess the question I should be asking is "What do I do about it?" or "What comes next?" Strangely those two question are vastly different from one another. One is an active question the other is passive. I think a lot of my problems in life are that I am to passive, to accepting of the situation. But I don't know how to change it and am I willing to pay the price to change it? I have never really been good at anything. I'm okay at a lot of things. I was an okay student, I'm an okay guitar player, I'm decent at my job (when I have one), I've always thought I was a decent boyfriend (I guess I wouldn't be the best judge of that), I try to be a good friend, but I'm not really great at anything. I seem to always fall in with high quality people, great writer, artist, students, and musicians. People who I seem to have bright, productive future, no matter what they do or at least they have the potential to. They may never be rich or famous but that is a horrible thing to judge greatness by. Still, I know sometime it is easy to get in the way of yourself. Which brings me back to my problem. What is it that separates the "the great" from the hacks like me? Is it talent? Hard Work? Fate? A mix of all three? I think back to younger days, when I was 17, 18, 21, 24 and I can't help but think of all the time and potential that I have wasted in my life. About the things I could have done, About the things I should have done? But the real question is what else would I have done, what else should I have been? I'm not unhappy with my life, just uncertain of it. And more uncertain of what I should do next. I have pretty much accepted that wife and kids and all that lot are not going to happen for me. I don't know what it is about me, but something just scream to women "HE'S A WASTE OF TIME!!!" or "THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!!!". While sad, there is some level of freedom in that. Its just one less thing I have to worry about. But it still leaves me with the fundamental problem. What am I going to do?

Sorry for this stream of conscience rant, but I got a lot on my mind, and my birthday bring out the worse in me about things like this.

What a Long Week

Lots going on this week.....

The Inauguration


What can I say, write, think, or feel what hasn't been said, or written, or felt a thousand time already. I will just say for once in a long time it was a good day in America.



Still Adventuring in Umemployement

While I am sure that almost everyone got to watch the inauguration Tuesday, I did not. I have spend alot of time this week in my car. I drove down Tuesday to McComb, to meet with a rep. from Sante Fe Cattle Company. I had a meeting at 10am and I finished up just in time to hear the President give his address. I guess I was good enough, because they called me back later that day to set up a second interview in McComb with the VP of south eastern operations.So I was schedualed to have a second interview on Wednesday afternoon. So I drove back on Wednesday. Basically after talking for 30 minutes they said they would send me an offer letter. So I don't have a job with them yet, but I guess they want me to come work for them. The only problem with this is that the job will be in Hammond, Louisana. Normally this would not be a problem, except for the fact that I am see some one here. But, my relationship with Amanda is complicated. Sometimes it feels like no relationship at all and then other times it seems very serious. I guess I will have to figure out what to do after I actually have the job.

Anyway, right before I left on Wednesday, my buddy Stephan called to tell me Debbie(his wife) was giving birth to their first son, Conner. To congrats to Stephan, Debbie, and Conner. And seeing that I was in South Mississippi anyway, I rolled on over to Hattiesburg to visit with folks.

I did stop off at the hospital first, but I never found anyone I knew. Those place are like mazes. So I called and went to dinner. I met Charlotte and we had a grand old time having drinks and just generally being the fun kids we are (or as much fun kids as a 26 and 31 year old can be). I even spilled my beer right on Charlotte! I felt bad about that. So we then made plans to go rent DVDs and watch some movies. Somehow it turned into a "B movie" night, we watched Freaks and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. The second one I recommend because it is a modern homage/spoof to 1950s "B" horror/sci-fi films. Charlotte's boyfriend Hank arrived home and watched most of the movies with us, as we made plans for the next day.

See, for a long time now I have been wanting to go down to Abita Springs, Louisana and visit the brewery of Abita Beer . They do a free tour. But for one reason or another I have never made it there. But with Hank and Charlotte's support we had planned to go down and and enjoy the day. And what a beautiful day it turned out to be, Sunny, high in the low 70s. Prefect day for road tripping. You might think it irresponsible of me to drive down to a brewery, when I don't have a job or money coming in, and your right. But really what else did I have to do. I didn't have an interview that day and I had been offered a job, in theory, the day before. So anyway, after waking up I found out Hank couldn't go, he got called into work(see, work is bad!). So me and Charlotte went. The drive down was boring and what not, but we had fun, I filled her in on my whats going on in my life, she told me about Hank, her sister, and herself moving to NOLA. We got a little lost between the Interstate and the town of Abita Spring, but made it with plenty of time for the tour. The tour starts in their Brew Pub with free samples of beer. Then you watch a video that explains the brewing process and then you get to walk the brewery. The Brewery itself isn't that interesting. Just large tanks and hoses. So unless they are mixing the mash there isn't much to see. After the tour, we went and eat at the Abita Brew Pub, which in the original brewery but was quickly outgrown. I dropped Charlotte off with Hank and headed home.

Because I did have an interview with Dick's Sporting Goods. Not to be full of myself, but I could tell the guy wanted to hire me, but I have no retail experience. Still he called me, late in the day to say he would bring me on, but as an hourly manager and he would call me next Friday.

So in theory, I have two job offers, but no job!

Anyhow all this traveling kinda of wore me down and yesterday, I did as little as possible. But I still put in an application with Broad Street Bakery and got my invite for the JFP Best of Jackson party tonight. Why am I invited? No idea, but free food and drink is hard to turn down for an unemployeed guy!

From Back in the Day...

Man, look how young I looked. I am pretty sure this was take on a trip to NOLA with Wes, Gen, and Gen friend David. Gen sent this to me tonight. Its just werid to think about me in New Orleans that long ago. Hell, its werid to think about me back then. I had my whole life ahead of me then.
Now, I'm a little depressed!

New Year, New Blah, Blah, Blah.....

So its 2009.......yeah, well, great.

I don't know what you tell you. I had some ideas about end of year post for 2008, but none of them panned out. Seriously 2008 was damn bit depressing for me. I can't tell you much about it. As a year, it kinda sucked and I'm glad its gone. Hell even new years eve sucked. What did I end up doing, just going to a bar and watching a few bands play. Don't get me wrong, I like the new George Street and the bands where great, but it was New Years Eve. I had not one, but two trips to NOLA fall threw, and I didn't even get to kiss Amanda, because she had to stay home. I could have gone to Hattiesburg, the coast, anywhere....But I digress.

I had thought I would do a top ten albums of the year, but I realized most of what I bought this year came out in 2007. Very sad! Anyway, my favorite album of last year, shock of shocks turned out to be
The Black Key's Attack and Release. Another great Album from last year was, of all things,The Soundtrack to Rock n Rolla. It has a strange mix of classic garage, like The Sonics, The Clash, and Wanda Jackson. Plus some new school stuff like The Hives (a personal favorite of mine), The Subways, and Black Strobe (who sound like NIN doing Muddy Waters songs). You should check it out.

Anyway enough about last year. We all got to start thinking about this year. We got a new President, but the economy is in the toilet and war is running wild in the Middle East, Africa, and Asia Minor. The Mayor of Jackson is either going to jail and/or will die of heart problems. Which would put him in the company of alot of other political and business folks. Its just crazy ass shit all around.

But on a personal note, I got high hopes for 2009.

I have a woman, I'm very into. Our relationship is complicated, but it can only get better. I mean seriously, how could it be worse than being totally alone?

I got a job, which is better than alot of people right now. And while it may not be the greatest, I can use it to help me look for a better one. I'm not going to be caught off guard by unemployement again.

Plus, I don't have resolutions, but I do have some ideas for this year.

First, I need to excise more. I know everyone says this, but I really am starting to feel bad, health wise. There isn't anything wrong with me, but I just don't feel well about myself.

Next I am going to work on my Spanish. I have spoken some Spanish for years. I have never spoken it well, and I feel that I should go back and really work on the basics.

Lastly, I am going work on my music. I know most of you have never heard me play or anything. Thats okay. I'm not a good musician, and I don't even expect I will be. But I would like a better understanding of music. So I am setting out to not just play guitar better but to understand what I am play, with the study of music theory.

Any-who, I hope everyone is having a good new year!

What the Hell am I Doing w/ this Blog, and general updates

It dawned on me a few weeks back that I have not updated my blog in months. So I am just wasting space on the internet. I hate waste.

The problem is I didn't have anything to say. What would I talk about? Work? Hell no! I hated my job. Love Life? The simple answer to this is what love life. TV? Movies? Art? Music? Comic books? The Weather? Politics? Celebutante?

Its true I could, would and probably should blog about all those thing; except celebutantes, dumb bitches; I really have not had much to say. And for that I am sorry. My life has just been to boring to write about anything.

I have had a few ideas about what to do with my blog. All of which I probably at some point in the future will do. The first idea was to make the blog totally fictitious. I am okay with this up to a point, but some people come here to see how I am doing. So just a tour thru my unreality probable doesn't work for them. The Second idea was to turn it into picture blog. I had planned (and still do) to get a digital camera, and do a series of mostly humours picture stories. The one most everyone knows about is "Yoda's day out". I still plan on doing that, just need time. The third idea, was to turn this into a music blog. I like this idea, ALOT! So much so I had my first series of articles are already ready. Its going to be called "Covered Up". You will have to come back to read/listen to it. I am currently just looking for the right place to host my files for it.

Of course there where some events that I could have blogged about at the time, but didn't. Well I can blog about that now.

Hurricanes Gustav and Ike: I think I have blogged enough about Hurricanes, plus Ike didn't really effect me, except at the gas pump. Gustav had a little more impact. Gustav arrived on labor day, so most place where closed. Was my job? Hell No! Not only was there a Hurricane and Labor day, but we lost power, and we still couldn't close and go home. I hated that job. Other than alot of extra traffic, not alot happened here in central Mississippi.

St. Patricks Day Weekend: Anyone who knows me knows I love St. Pat's day in Jackson. Its the third largest celebration in the country of the holiday. Why did I not blog about it, post picture, etc, etc? Was it because i forgot to take the weekend off? No, I was sent out of town, by work, just for the weekend. I hated that job!

My vacation: Didn't do anything. Gas cost to much to go anywhere. So I just hung out in Jackson.

Presidential Debate: Well, I don't like talking about politics much. I just think ,like religion, it should be private. But I will give my thoughts on the debate. I know I will probably be killed for it, but I thought McCain won. The topic was foreign affairs, which is McCain's area of speciality. Now that said, I think Obama did great. He was calm, cool, even funny in places. He didn't let McCain get way with anything, even to the point that McCain lost his cool more than once. So when I say McCain won, it is like winning a boxing match by decision. You may have won, but only on a technicality.

VP Debate: Anyone who watched this and thought Palin would fall on her face, like a funny SNL skit, really doesn't understand American politics. She has been practicing everyday since the convention for that night. She come off as likeable and homie, which is what she is there for. Still Biden's experience trumped her every time. The many point of a VP debate is to support your Presidential candidate and tear the other person's candidate down. Biden did this more skillfully, because he, like McCain, is a Washington insider.

The economic crisis: You know what, we will get threw it. It may take a few years, but we will surivive. And hopefully with a valiable economic lesson, DON'T SPEND WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE! As for the Bail out, we just need to watch closely where the money goes.

hhhhmmmmm.....anything else

Love life: I seem to have discovered that I am from the "when it rains it pours" school of dating. I can never just find one woman to date, no I usually find three with in the space of a week. Even when I do the right thing, it blews up in my face. So...here is to large explosions!

TV: I don't think I watch enough to care about it. Its true my TV my be on, but I am rarely watching it.

Movies: I have not been to the movies sense my second viewing of Dark Knight. BTW, how awesome was that? Anyway, there are always movies I want to see, Choke, Nick & Norah, Eagle Eye, How to lose friends.... Plus few still coming out like, Body of Lies, RocknRolla, and Quantum of Solace.

Comics:THE GOON

Work: hhhmmmm....how do I put this.....I'm unemployeed....yeah I think that works. Eagle eyed reader will notice I have always talked about my job in the past tense. I know I am not the greatest proof reader, but those are not spelling or grammer errors. I am in fact unemployeed. That story goes like this, in June my area director called me asking to have lunch, and basically told me to start looking for a new job. And that it would be good to have one before October. So quietly, I have been looking for a new job. In September, I thought I found one. It was all agreed that I would start October 1st. So I place my two weeks notice, worked it with almost no problem. My last day at McAlister's was Sept. 28th. I was going to take two day off before starting at Basil's in Belhaven. Now understand, I feel that all my time working in a restaurant had lead me to this place. All my cooking, serving, and managing, made this the perfect type of place for me, I was looking forward to starting work and getting the place under sometype of control. Then on tuesday night, the bomb got dropped on me. They couldn't afford to hire me. I know times are tight, but they couldn't have told me that two week ago! Plus they are going to need help in the near future, alot of help. I don't see how they can't afford to bring me on. But that is all for another time, right now I just need to find a job.

So that is pretty much where I am at right now.

Oh! and I'm a registered voter now, too!